Five Towers: The Vault

[Skyrider]

Greeting everybody...here is the prologue of my latest novel Five Towers: THe Vault

some of you may have seen this already...others may not...in any case i would like feedback...both positive and negative...not the fact tht its crap and so on, but pointers to improve...


Prologue

The crowd cheered. They didn’t just cheer, they roared, such was the atmosphere whenever an elemental challenge occurred, they were always thrilling battles, great performances and an excuse to see someone get killed, the contestants didn’t always die of course, but they often went away out cold for a week or so.
The girl standing on the left was fairly new, she had not won many of the fights she had fought, but her style was interesting and her daring moves always shocked the crowd, she was the one who had initiated the challenge and was already regretting it, although was determined not to show it. She removed the hood of her brown cloak so that her unusually bright green eyes flashed in the shadows.
Her opponent was a tall and slender girl, an adept, her grace and beauty also impressed the crowd, but she was a wild fighter and when it came down to it, she was a bitch.
“Yes ladies and gentlemen here we have a duel which promises to be a climatic and wild fight, these two magi are both brilliant fighters and it promises to be an engaging fight.”
“Yeah right…” the girl muttered in a stage whisper, most of the crowd laughed, others jeered and shouted insults.
“Settle down people!” shouted the commentator and the crowd fell silent, eager for the fight to begin. “Contestants take your positions! 24 missiles, no artefacts, no physical weapons or person to person contact, arm yourselves!” The left girl thrust her hands out, two brown orbs appearing in her hands, the tall girl did the same, forming blue orbs. “Begin!”
The tall girl started off the fight, two orbs of water flying out of her hands. Bright eyes muttered some words and disappeared into the earth, the water missiles zooming through the air where she had been and hitting the barrier, splashing open and flinging water into the crowd.
“And the battle starts off with a Subterranean spell folks, she has just disappeared into the earth, she’ll be hard to find now, she’ll be tunnelling around like a mole, but what’s this?” the commentator exclaimed, already being sucked into the exhilaration of the fight.
Water girl brought her hands up, the air around her darkened and soon she was enveloped, a storm pouring down around her, drenching the earthy terrain on which she stood.
“That would be a Storm spell folks, and earth girl is NOT going to like this…”
Indeed she didn’t, she shot out of the earth faster than a diving hawk. She landed, the earth muddy underneath her feet. She fired three dark spheres at the other girl. Her opponent dodged the first two, but the third one shattered, flinging rocks everywhere and knocking her back, bright eyes snapped her fingers and advanced, rocks and hard earth covering her body, she had just cast a…
“Golem spell people and things are not looking good for her, but wait…ouch, things have just got hotter in here, or should I say wetter…”
Bright eyes backed off, the water mage had just performed a Sphere spell, an orb of shifting water, shimmering, reflecting the light of the arena. Bright eyes recoiled, like a vampire from sunlight. She saw her opponent laughing, laughing at her. She wouldn’t take this…she advanced, her hands held up in readiness.
This surprised the girl, but still she said with an edge of venom, “attack.”
The sphere advanced, trying to envelop bright eyes, but she was ready, she summoned a spire beneath her and shot upwards.
The sphere followed, attempting to engulf her, but she was fast, the spire moved fast, rocketing around the arena, rising higher and higher towards the roof.
There was another muttering beneath her which she couldn’t hear, but she felt the effects soon after, two missiles collided with the spire, chattering it like a crash of waves against a cliff face.
The spire shattered and she fell, the sphere caught her, she found herself now hurtling down to the ground, she curled up, but the impact was not lessened very much. But water girl wasn’t done yet…not by a long shot. She moved her hands into a constricting position, the sphere starting constricting in on its captive, moving closer and closer into the ground.
But even bright eyes wasn’t THAT bad. She shouted the word which reverberated even through the mass of water, “SANDARA!” As if from nowhere a huge tempest of sand came from the air, swirling around at massive speeds, flying sand everywhere. The defence barriers had to be brought up to protect the crowd. The uproar of the storm, and with this the crowd, grew louder, the dome was closing in on the girl, but she crouched confidently, waving her hands, bringing order to chaos and directing the violent animal of sand. The ripping teeth of the beast closed in on the sphere…nothing.
The girl laughed and brought her hands closer together, further constricting her opponent’s space. The earth mage roared and flung her hands out, with the little space she had left, the storm grew even more violent and came down on the confining sphere.
The small grains of sand ripped through the sphere like tiny pinpricks, but as more and more of the grains penetrated the hide of the sphere, large gaps started to form in its dense skin, sand, sand and more sand came through the sphere until finally the great orb of water burst and was absorbed into the ground. The storm finally exploded and the girl fired four of her precious missiles to protect herself, she exploded them just as they were passing the wall of sand accelerating towards her.
The girl was enraged, nobody bested her, especially not a jumped up little neophyte like this. She raised her arms once more, an orb of water began circling her, then another orbital appeared, then a third.
The crowd held its breath, bright eyes realised too late what was going to happen, she charged, casting off her Golem spell for that extra speed.
“She wouldn’t…” began the commentator, “oh Gods…here it comes!” he shouted.
The crowd shielded themselves, even though they were well protected by the defence barrier, but this was one of the spells you liked to duck from anyway. As the fourth orbital appeared she thrust her hands forward and the commentator yelled “TSUNAMI!”
Bright eyes didn’t stand a chance, not against a spell of that magnitude, she fired eight missiles against the huge wall of water that rose above her and that stretched to both sides of the arena. The missiles did nothing to stop the torrent that was coming in too fast and too high to stop, the tip of the surf crashed down and enveloped the arena in an ocean of blackness.
When the water finally cleared there was a great deal of muttering amongst the crowd, most of it in amazement.
“WHAT!” the girl screamed, not believing what she was seeing.
“Nice try, but I’m not going to let a little wave like that stop me.” Bright eyes said scathingly, a huge grin spreading across her face, she loved seeing her lose.
“Alright you…” but she didn’t finish the sentence, she simply clawed at the air and unleashed a wave of missiles at him, it seemed she was going all out, not bothering to conserve her energy.
Her opponent dodged. She tried to fire her own projectiles back, but she was weak, most of the spheres hit each other and hit them both with water and stone, but one got through, hitting bright eyes squarely in the chest, she fell back, there was a sharp snap and the crowd collectively winced, something in her body had obviously been broken.
There was a pause, waiting for her to get up. She didn’t. Blood was trickling from her drenched head.
“Challenge concluded!” yelled the commentator and the crowd cheered, whilst Grandmaster Luos came on to heal the loser.
The victor summoned a geyser beneath her to raise her above the crowd, they cheered and applauded, when the cheering finally stopped the crowd got up to leave.
“Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen, you can…”
“Hold that!” yelled a voice from the crowd. “I challenge you by the Gods of the elementals! Do you accept?” the voice asked confidently.
The crowd fell silent, waiting for a response.

[Aulius]

Interesting, for quite awhile you kept saying the alot. Nice start tho

[Stanic]

good stuff

[mc_nebula]

nice!

[Skyrider]

Thought u guys might like to see the first chapter...
comments r appreciated, particularly relating to the characterisation. Cheers
Maudey


Rapids

“I offer my life to the gods,” I said, holding the blade to my throat, I held it there, then relaxed. I washed my hands and bowed. The ritual was done. I stood up to take in my surroundings for a moment. I gazed out from the hillside onto the village and lake below, it was always an amazing sight to watch in the morning. The red light bounced off the lake surface, making it shimmer, the clouds above danced as the sun broke through them like an arrow, striking the sky at every point it could, its golden head breaking through and hitting the ground below.
“What is it that fascinates you about this view Cap?”
“What is it that doesn’t fascinate you Arka?” I asked back, “the sun off the lake, the clouds parting, the wind rushing by you…and now you give it back Arka…” I said rolling my eyes and turning around.
Arka grinned slyly as she always did, the dagger twirling between her fingers.
“Why does that never fool you?” she asked, still smirking.
“Because you’ve tried it far too many times for it to work…” I sighed exasperatedly, but trying to hold myself back from laughing.
“Alright…which hand?” she asked, excitedly.
“Arka…” I started.
“Which hand?” she asked playfully.
“Arka, when are you ever going to grow up?” I asked pitiably.
“When you loosen up Cap…come on…which hand?”
I sighed and thought, it had been left last time and the time before that and before that… “Left.” I said, confidently.
“Wrong!” she grinned.
“What? But you always do left…that’s cheating.”
“Come and get it!” she challenged and ran off down the hill.
I groaned and ran off after her, why was she always so hyper?
I didn’t have to run far though, I came across her a few minutes later, lying next to someone I hadn’t seen in months.
“Gerai!” I exclaimed, much happier that I had found him than my dagger, although I quickly snatched it from Arka and sheathed it before she could steal it again.
“Is should have known you two lovebirds would be up here, performing your rituals.” He smirked
“Gerai, shut up, Cap and I are friends, nothing more, you know that!” wheezed Arka, “and watch where your going next time!”
“Ha! Look who’s talking Arka! You couldn’t have spotted me even if you had been watching where you were going.” He shot back, dusting himself off, he looked different in his leather armour, a pair of daggers sheathed on his belt, his brown hair, greasy as ever, longer than it had been last time he had gone off adventuring.
“Gerai, let me buy you a drink, tell me of your adventures…”
“Oh I’ll do better than that…” he said mysteriously. He glanced around carefully, making absolutely sure we weren’t being watched, “follow me,” he whispered and swept away back up the hill.
“Oh dear…” I muttered, but I was intrigued none the less and I sped off after him, Arka right on our tails.
We climbed higher and higher up the hill, getting nearer and nearer towards the peak.
“Gerai…how…much…further…” Arka demanded, panting.
“Try to have some patience for once Arka!” he snapped, “We’re almost there, just a little…” he whirled round, in a fighting stance and attacked the bush I had just walked past, ripping it to pieces…
“Gerai…calm down, you’re always so tense.” I said, worriedly, backing away from him slightly.
“Sorry Cap, it’s in my blood…”
“Your blood?” Arka questioned.
“Instinct,” said Gerai darkly, “I’m a Feral you know that, it’s the way I live.”
“Yeah, but this is just a small mountain village, there isn’t going to be anything here…”
“You’d be surprised where dark forces lurk…” he said knowingly.
I rolled my eyes when Gerai turned away, he was sometimes just too paranoid.
He came at last to a small plateau, covered by a group of trees, Gerai parted the leaves and we gaped at what we saw. The clearing beyond contained a flowing white waterfall, its water flowing from a peak above us that was shrouded in mist, the aqua pool lay beneath the waterfall, clear and beautiful in the sunrise. Around the pool lay lush plants; there were a huge number of colours, crimsons, amethysts, marines and turquoises.
But that wasn’t what grabbed my immediate and unbelieving attention. It was a set of sandals, placed on a rock next to the pool, they had silver wings attached to them, streamlined with the shoes themselves.
“Gerai…” I breathed, astounded, “Is that…”
“They’re called The Aqua Wings, a water based artefact, they allow the wearer to run and surf on water.”
“Is that what I think it is…” asked Arka.
“Yep, that’s an artefact.” Gerai smirked; watching me like a parent watches a child playing with a new toy.
Artefacts fascinate me ever since I started training to become a mage when I was about five. They always grabbed me, mesmerized me, their magic allured me, they were fascinating objects and very rare to.
“Where did you find it?” I asked, dashing over to the Aqua Wings, feeling the silver wings, which twitched and scuttled off the rock towards the water.
“Oh no you don’t…” Gerai snarled and jumped towards the mischievous sandals, but too late they had already dived under the water and were swimming around beneath the surface.
“Great, if they get into the river we’ll have lost them.”
“Gerai I’m sorry…I didn’t…”
“No point apologizing, what’s done is done, it’s in the past and you can’t change it.”
He often said that, it was like a personal philosophy, I guess it was something to do with his Feral nature.
I made to dive into the pool, but Arka held me back.
“Don’t, you’ll just frighten them off,” she said, as though sorry for them.
“She’s right, let me do this…” Gerai said. He took off his armour and removed his cloak; he stalked forward, watching the sandals splashing around, zooming in and out of the water.
Gerai advanced around the edge, observing the sandals movements, the sandals stopped and he froze, they started jumping around again and Gerai indicated to Arka to move around opposite him. He ordered me towards the mouth of the river, which flowed all the way up from this pool, down the hill and towards the lake down by the village; it would be my job to snatch the sandals if they dashed for it.
The two of them circled the pool, watching the agile footwear zooming around inside the water. Gerai leapt and Arka a second after, they crashed into each other and fell downwards into the pool. There was an ear-splitting SPLASH and the shoes belted for the river mouth. I leapt towards them and somehow, (perhaps it was the shoes playing their own games, I don’t know) they ended up on my feet and I was rushing downhill at a fantastic speed.
I was held up by nothing but the shoes as I was pulled more than anything else by the Aqua Wings magic. I was very unstable, but the shoes refused to let me fall. The rest of my body was connected to feet that were on ice, but the feet were at the same time stuck to the ice. The water flew into my face and I was soaked in no time, I saw a meander in the river ahead, I tried to steer, I waved my arms wildly, but nothing. I moved my hips slightly to the left and suddenly WHOOM! I was zooming round the corner even faster than before, I lost my balance and collapsed onto my back, submerged in the water.
I was immersed in water, but the shoes were still moving forward, trying desperately to get away from me, dragging me further and further away from the top and faster and faster as the slope grew steadily steeper. I could see my village now, looming on the horizon, I was moving too fast to stop. The artefact sensed my weakness and struggled harder and harder to fly onwards, forcing me towards some rocky rapids. I pulled myself back up, kneeling down now, with minimal control over where the sandals dragged me, I had to concentrate harder and harder, the slightest movement would hurl me into a rock and that would be the end of me. The rocks became more and more frequent and became even more jagged than before, one false move and I’d…or rather the shoes…would impale me. I had had no idea an artefact’s magic could be this strong, I struggled against the force of the shoes, but my feet were no longer my own, I was scared, there was no way I could go on like this, I was feeling tired, the Wings draining my energies.
I turned yet another corner, slipping and sliding and a rock face appeared in front of me, the river flowing under the rock, but it was more than enough to knock me out. That was it…I would either drown or be cut to shreds by the knives of the rocks.
Then something very strange happened…the shoes started slowing down. They were cautious, sensing something, as if something was in the trees around us that were watching…
A branch shot out and knocked me into the water, I could instantly tell the shoes were off my feet as I started sinking, I swam to the surface and dragged myself, against the current, to the shore.
Gerai had knocked me off my feet and had rammed the shoes off in the process, He held them tightly in his hands, the wings of the sandals beating violently, wanting to get back in the water, but they were secured firmly to the branch, Gerai had made sure of that.
“Cap… are you OK?” he asked, hoisting me rather than helping me out of the water.
“Those things mean trouble…” I spluttered, spitting out all the water I had swallowed.
“Your magic energies must have been slightly overcharged.”
“Slightly! Those damn things dragged me all the way down here!”
“Well that’s not too hard, most of it was a very steep downhill slope…”
“Yeah but…”
“It’s in the past, there’s no point worrying about it.”
“Tell that to my feet!” I moaned, clutching at my throbbing feet, jumping up and down on my toes.
At that moment Arka came running out of the undergrowth, panting and spluttering.
“How do you do it Gerai?” she asked, exhausted.
“I’ve learned control over the years Arka,” he said, with just a trace of a sneer.
“Cap!” she blurted, her face bright red from running down from the plateau, “Are you hurt?”
“A little bruised but otherwise I’ll be fine.”
“Let’s get you to Master Vil,” she said, concerned.
“I’m fine!” I said. I hated people fussing over such minor things as this.
“Do you want to hold mummy’s hand?” asked Arka, grinning sarcastically.
“Shut it.” I hissed.
“Awwww…”
“Arka, save the patronising for afterwards.” Gerai sighed, “right now, albeit only minor, Cap needs Master Vil’s attention, yes you do Cap.” He grinned at my disgusted look, but dropped it suddenly again “There could have been nasty things in that water and the magic might have got into your system.”
I could never argue with Gerai, I could try but it never worked, he always found some way to rebut me. “Alright,” I resigned.
“Now where did you get the owie Cappy?” asked Arka.
I kicked her. It probably hurt me as much as it did her, because my foot swelled up even more.
“Children, children…” Gerai rolled his eyes. “Come on Cap, limp as best you can.”
We made our way down the hill, Gerai and Arka supported me as I slowly hobbled down the smooth, grassy hill side, the trees thinning out as we approached the village, the sun had finally risen over the top of the lake and the fisherman were coming back in with the morning catch. The houses were beginning to stir out of the dawn stupor, some were coming out for a walk, others heading down to the quay to see what fish were available, others simply heading to work early.
Most people regarded us with little interest, it was well known we were training to become magi, well Arka and I anyway, we were always coming back with all sorts of injuries, people rarely paid us much attention. Gerai caught a few funny looks from some of the residents of Lithia, others greeted him like an old friend, Gerai was fairly well known across the whole land as were all Ferals, they were often treated very badly, although they weren’t treated with complete prejudice most people, often uneducated fools, repulsed Ferals like they were animals. OK, they are to a certain extent, they have animal characteristics it’s true, but they’re still human and deserve to be treated so. Unfortunately the world seems to think otherwise.
“Get back to the woods wolf man!”
Gerai said nothing as he helped me towards the quayside where Master Vil lived.
The fishermen were walking back, an unusually large catch struggling in their nets. Arka turned away from this, she was a devout vegetarian and detested animal cruelty of all kinds.
“Morning young Caprico…” I winced, I hated my full name, the fisherman didn’t notice, “what did you young fools do this time?”
“He sprained his foot,” said Gerai simply, forcing his bag further shut, making sure the Aqua Wings were firmly locked up, if artefacts were discovered in the village there would be a riot and we would be severely punished, if not killed. Artefacts were extremely dangerous things in the wrong hands.
“I wasn’t talking to you Feral,” snapped the fisherman looking at Gerai with contempt. Gerai remained silent, looking at the floor.
“Is Master Vil up yet?” I asked, controlling my anger.
“Of course he is, that imbecilic mage even wakes us up, do you know the amount of times…”
“Right, thanks Mr Boyd,” I interrupted, not wanting to hear another one of his rants about what Master Vil was, sometimes they reacted worse to him than Gerai.
“Ignorant buffoon,” spat Arka once they were out of earshot.
“You can say it as many times as you like Arka, it’s not going to help,” said Gerai tiredly.
“But he attacked you! He just insulted you like…”
“Arka we both know that that isn’t going to change, I’ll always be persecuted but excessive violence is not going to solve anything, just drop it.”
“But…” she started.
“Drop it!” snarled Gerai, I fell to the floor as he turned.
“Now look what you’ve done,” muttered Arka.
“Gerai!” I warned, predicting his reaction. I looked up and he relaxed, punching his bag, both in anger and to stop the Aqua Wings moving about.
He pulled me up, still glaring in contempt at Arka. Arka simply looked indifferent, also pulling me back up.
We proceeded to Master Vil’s house, we could hear the familiar and frantic scrabbling of lead on parchment, Arka knocked on the door and there was a loud crash that caused several lights to go on in houses nearby.
“Go away!” cried a voice from indoors. “How many times have I told you not to disturb me?!”
“About every time we knock on this door,” said Gerai smugly.
There was another crash and a shutter opened in the door, the grey eyes widened in surprise, the shutter slid back and the door was thrown open, causing yet another crash.
“Gerai, what have Arka and you been doing to Cap?” asked a smiling young man, only a little older than Gerai. He had outrageous crimson hair that came down to his waist, his long black cloak that was several sizes too big for him and the robe trailed along the floor after his legs, one of which was wooden made from a magical, flame resistant tree. His experiments were such that he needed flame proof wood. His large grey eyes were still bulging at the sight of Gerai
“Just sprained his ankle is all,” said Gerai casually, carefully looking around the street.
“Yeah right…” muttered Master Vil, “Come in, I’ll get that healed up, my branch of magic may not have many healing spells but it will still help.”
I limped inside, Arka and Gerai not able to help crashing into things piled high on the shelves of Master Vil’s house, he seemed not to care very much, the floor was actually more laden with phials, documents and broken pieces of lead then the shelves were. Master Vil himself crashed into the shelves and as deluge of papers engulfed him he simply stood calmly, brushing paper from him onto the messy floor.
Gerai however crashed into a shelf and was almost knocked out by a bust that fell from the top. It barely missed him, but Vil turned for the first time, casually waved his fingers and the bust repaired itself and flew back up onto the shelf, precariously balanced on top of a huge pile of parchment.
We continued past this main room into another smaller room, one that contained a bed, some actual visible floorboards and an ancient cabinet that jumped whenever anybody approached it. This was where Vil kept anything magical, although it looked flimsy that cabinet was more than capable of defending itself. Vil had enchanted it so much that it was constantly bouncing around, overcharged with magic, a bit like the Aqua Wings had been. Once, when I was much younger and much much more uneducated I had tried opening this cabinet, in response to this intrusion it bit one of my index fingers off. I’ve never had it replaced. Master Vil said that that was to remind me if I ever tried something so foolish again not to do so.
Master Vil, is very wise and accomplished and although generally relaxed about the way he teaches myself and Arka if he asks something of you, you do it. His tempers are not something to be trifled with, maybe it’s something to do with him being a fire mage I don’t know. He has been training Arka and me ever since we were very young, in certain ways I feel closer to him than to anybody else. He has taught us everything we know about magic and although he has never taught us any spells (he insists we are still too young to be venturing into such things) he has shown us many magical principles that he insists must be learnt if we are ever to become magi, a most strenuous and challenging task, another thing he insists.
Master Vil shut the door as I lay on the bed, he kicked the cabinet to stop it rattling. “Alright Gerai, what did you do to him?” It wasn’t an accusatory tone but still made you feel guilty as if he had already guessed what had happened to me.
“He fell into the river, he almost hit the rocks but I managed to drag him out,” Gerai said innocently, being very careful not to make eye contact with Master Vil.
“I see…” he said sceptically, looking at me. I had learned a way to avoid this many years ago, the trick was to stare at his forehead so that it seemed as if you were looking at him, but weren’t actually making eye contact.
“Alright, let me see,” he sighed, taking my shoes off, he placed his hand on it and instantly withdrew it as if putting his hand on a hot flame.
“OK Gerai…open the bag up.” He said it in a way which was almost impossible to refuse.
Gerai did so guiltily, even though Vil had no authority over him, he could still make you feel two inches tall. The Aqua Wings jumped out of the bag, Vil grabbed the shoes so fast that they seemed to be surprised as he held the mischievous sandals in his clenched fist.
“The Aqua Wings…” said Vil, with a mixture of both awe and anger. “You gave an artefact as volatile as this to somebody like Cap?” demanded Vil. He didn’t raise his voice, he just lowered his face and stared at Gerai with a look of obvious contempt.
“I didn’t do it intentionally!” Gerai said, meeting Vil’s eye for the first time. “They were splashing about in the water, I was trying to stop them, but Arka crashed into me…” Arka snapped her gaze from the floor to Gerai, “and then Cap tried to grab them and they ended up on his feet,” he explained, slightly irritated at Vil’s quiet anger.
“They did Master! They dragged me down the river and nearly cut me to ribbons.”
“All the way down the river?” asked Vil with raised eyebrows. “Surely not all the way down, your magical energies are no where near strong enough to feed an artefact like this.” He glared at the Aqua Wings with the look of someone who has just seen a dog defile their new floor. The artefact stopped struggling and drooped.
“Well they did! My feet can attest to that!” I muttered.
Vil put his hand back on my throbbing, heated feet. He did not recoil his fingers like last time, but rather closed his eyes, muttering something which I could not hear.
“By the name of Fire!” he cried after several minutes, causing everyone to jump. “I had no idea your energy stores were so large Cap,” he said accusingly, as if it was a secret I had been keeping from him.
“I had no idea either,” I breathed, staring at my now reduced feet. I moved them about and sat up on the bed.
“But Master, bearing in mind we had both just performed the morning rituals.”
“Indeed, I have taken this into account, although not the levels of somebody such as myself, they are still fairly high for neophytes such as yourselves,” he pondered, staring quizzically at Arka and me, he put his hand on Arka’s head, as if taking her temperature. He whistled. “You two have progressed a lot more than I thought.”
Arka and I stared at each other in disbelief, for Master Vil to make such a comment was a great compliment. Gerai however, seemed more interested in the Aqua Wings.
“What of those?” he demanded, still staring at the now silent shoes.
“Hmmm the Aqua Wings are not something I am familiar with. I’d have to ask somebody from the Water Caste to get more exact details but…”
There was a sudden banging on the front door that made everybody stare out towards the hall.
“I am sick and tired of this…” snarled Vil, he thrust the Aqua Wings into Gerai’s hands, threw his cloak off and stormed out of the room, crashing into even more shelves on the way out than they had done when they’d come in.
“For the last…oh!” he breathed, there was a shifting of paper on the floor as if somebody had fallen. The three of us darted up and saw Master Vil kneeling on the floor in front of a middle aged man, wearing a shifting grey cloak, his hair a swirling grey. The hair colour however, was not due to the man’s age, on the contrary, the man looked around his thirties, he had a pendant around his neck that I couldn’t quite see, but one that Gerai, having dropped to the floor himself, was now staring at in awe. His eyes, also a bright grey colour were staring down at Vil with an expression of kindness, one that you might give a friend, or perhaps…a colleague.
“Rise Master Vil.” He said, in a light, waving voice.
“Grandmaster Vayu!” Vil breathed with a sense of pure awe in his voice, slowly returning to standing height, Gerai still remained on one knee. “Sir…why are you here?”
“I was in the vicinity and thought I’d drop by…” he said casually, observing the dirty house. “Deary me Master Vil, what have you been doing these days to have your house in such a… position.”
Master Vil seemed terrified, “Grandmaster, I assure you that had I known I would not have hesitated to…”
“Don’t worry, I’ll fix this up in a jiffy. You may wish to step back,” he said, smiling at us.
We did so, backing into the bedroom, almost hitting the cabinet in the process, it jumped and snapped at us, Gerai kicked it to shut it up.
The new arrival lifted his hands and breathed “Tornadra.”
The house became an instant tempest, blowing papers, phials, broken pieces of lead everywhere. At first I was curious as to what this stranger was doing, he seemed to be making an even greater mess than before, if that was even possible. However, upon closer inspection I saw that the papers and everything else were flying onto specific shelves. The papers on the shelves were rearranging themselves and even the bust that had almost hit Gerai was being thrust around in the raging tornado. Then, just as suddenly as it had started the storm stopped again. Everything had been neatly stored on the shelves and for the first time I could see the floor of the now clean house.

[Skyrider]

(continued)


“Grandmaster…you didn’t have to do that sir…” spluttered Vil.
“Not at all Master Vil, I prefer a house where I can see the floor anyway.”
Vil stood back, looking sheepish.
The man stepped forward observing the three of us, his kind grey eyes softly darting over us, I felt a tingling sensation as he did so, perhaps more magic at work.
“Grandmaster, may I introduce my two students, Caprico and Arkana.” We both winced. “and also, the traveller Gerai.”
Gerai bowed, staring in awe at the man’s neck still. Arka and I both remained still, unsure of what to do.
“Children!” Vil snapped, “you should show more respect for…”
“Vil, if these children were aware of my position they would have reacted by now, I do not require respect from every stranger I come across,” breathed the man in the wavy voice, as if floating on the wind, Vil once again looked embarrassed.
“So Vil…you say these are your students…”
“Two of them are sir, Arkana and Caprico.” Arka flashed him an irritated glare. “Who prefer to be known as Arka and Cap.” He said, meeting Arka’s glare with an unequalled power.
“Interesting…most interesting…neophytes are they?” he asked, glancing back and forth from the three of us to Master Vil.
“Yes sir,” Gerai interrupted, “although I am a Feral I have dabbled in magical arts.”
“A Feral you say?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. “Tlach fe derit?”
“Sech ful vira,” Gerai replied, smiling slightly, pleased to hear his own language.
“I see…” smiled the Grandmaster. “Cap…is it?”
“Yes…” Vil clenched his fists. “sir.” I corrected. The man smiled, “would you perhaps allow your mentor and I to be alone for a few minutes.”
“At once sir…” Gerai bowed and virtually dragged Arka and I out of the room.
Once we were out of earshot Gerai turned on us, a mixture of pity and anger on his face. “I did not even think you two this naïve…” he sighed.
“What did we do this time?” asked Arka exasperatedly.
“Arka use what little common sense you have! That was a Grandmaster of Magic! That is one of the highest ranks you can achieve in the magical order, we should be honoured he was even addressing neophytes such as us.”
“By the gods…” I said, suddenly feeling sick to the stomach.
“You’ve only just figured it out Cap?” he rolled his eyes. “Why do think Master Vil was treating him with such respect? You would have thought you’d have guessed from the title…GRANDMASTER. Honestly…” he rolled his eyes yet again.
Arka, having had enough it seemed marched back in the direction we had just come away from. “Arka, what are you doing?” Gerai demanded.
“Investigating.” She stated.
Gerai and I glanced at each other and ran off after her.
We turned back to find her with her ear to the back door of Master Vil’s house.
“Arka!” Gerai cried, slightly fearful.
“Hey…listen to this,” she whispered eagerly, beckoning over for us to listen to.
I advanced slowly, but Gerai remained firmly away, determined not to be a part of it. We could here the two magi talking in hushed tones.
“Do you believe they are ready…”
“With all due respect sir I do not believe they are ready for such a challenge.”
“But is the time not right…for all three of them, they have all had a taste of what is to come.”
“I cannot force Gerai, he is not under my tuition.”
“No…I believe that Gerai is the most magically attuned of the three… I don’t require physical contact remember.”
“But sir, this…I thought you only…”
“Times are changing, Grandmaster Luos agrees with me and the young are the answer…”
“But sir…this…perhaps you aren’t aware of how inexperienced they are…they know no magic, have no means of protection, please, they are only children.” Vil now had an uncharacteristic pleading quality in his voice. “I will of course, not ignore an order from you…”
“This is no order Master Vil…however, perhaps we should allow them to decide for themselves…”
“I will summon…”
“No need…they’re just outside the door.”

[Aulius]

Nice, Like the way its in first person.

[darkshadow]

i think maybe you should paragraph it a bit better =/ i found it kind of hard to read..

other than that its good.

[Skyrider]

In word its paragrahped, but on the forums in automatically does this, ive just copy and pasted.

[darkshadow]

make their be lines in between each of the paragraphs, space it more.

You know?

Kinda like this...